How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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