i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
