Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
