I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
