I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
