Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
