I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
