We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
