Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize