I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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