You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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