I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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