Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
