He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
