That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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