I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
