please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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