yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
