the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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