24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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