I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
