Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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