my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
