you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
