We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
