I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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