A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
