I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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