but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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