Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
