Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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