Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
