I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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