Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
