Quick, to the slutcave!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
