1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
