omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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