he shaved USA in his pubs
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
