You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did I show you my penis last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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