good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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