this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
