Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
