i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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