Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
