then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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