you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
