I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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