brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
