I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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