New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
pop tarts are not kleenex
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
