Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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