she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
