He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
