watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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