Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
