he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
