how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
