i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
