Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
