He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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