I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
