I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
