one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
