Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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