yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
