I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
