time to smoke my breakfast
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
