My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
