his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
