i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize