my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
