You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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