some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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