I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
