Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
