i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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