I didn't shave. On purpose
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
