i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
