I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
