i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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