I must be too annoying 4 u.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
