Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
