I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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