Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
