All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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