I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
